The fear of not seeing you ever again

There are situations when I hope you would be standing beside me as I take the most important decisions of my life.  A part of me believes that you are, but the other part of me wants to see you. They said time will heal, and we will not feel the same way as we did on the first day. Little did they know that there is no healing in situations like these, there is no normal?  I have the same questions that I had since the start, and I do not want to believe that I will never see you again. The instant I think that you will never be around, my heart breaks into tiny pieces and I do not want to think about it. I want to keep believing that you are out on a vacation. I want to think that you are busy with your everyday schedule when I am out of town. I know exactly what is happening, but at the same time I want  the reality only in my sub-conscious.

Its been eight months that we have not seen you and in no time, eight more will pass too.  The fact that I cannot share the smallest details of life makes me feel weak and there would be so many more moments that I am going to feel the same. All of it makes me question the point of a relationship; understand the unpredictability of life, and the point of such closeness. Many discourses and discussions have various approach to this subject, but the conclusions stay in our heart and mind for the shortest time. It gives us momentary satisfaction on this vicious circle of life and death, that we are in, but is not the permanent answer. To think about it, there is none.

As I get back to town, my eyes are wandering to see you at the airport, and as soon as I reach home, I realize again that it will be too long until that happens, or it might never. Just then, my sub conscious juggles with my conscious making me believe that this is the reality of life, and this is what will happen to each one of us.