I look at my nephew, who makes all sorts of noises and is playing with whatever that is coming to his hand, I feel entertained. The time just passes by quickly as we play with him and I see him try to walk. As he takes one step after the other, he has no idea how to balance, where is he going to, yet still walks with all the hope and faith that everything will just be fine.

As I see him I envy how carefree children are with their nature and I am sure lot of us feel the same. The relaxed mood of theirs throughout puts a smile to our face, the energy and enthusiasm that they have surely keeps us upbeat. After a really tiring day, nothing is better than observing the innocent act that a kid has. It’s amazing to see how they keep laughing and enjoying the little things that surround them.

The past month has gotten me thinking on various thoughts and one of them surely being how our life is unpredictable. Since all of us are aware of the fact that we have to leave this world one day, and we do not know when, why don’t we make a written note for the people whom we leave behind. It could be on the rituals that is carried on for us when we are no more.

The irony here is how we are made to believe that the body is never ours, and at the same time, there are many procedures that are conducted in the name of the body. The strange bit is the time when those few moments of our body is in someone else’s control and the decision of what, how should things be carried on is taken by someone else.
It is amusing how fast we remove the physical presence of an individual after their last breath. Does their bond which was for half a century become negligible? Do their relationships suddenly comes down to zero? This shows how an existence of a person is significant.
While I write this I want to write a note to the people for the do’s and dont’s that should be done after I am no longer in this world.
The first one definitely being taking care of oneself and being strong and not asking question to the many whys that we usually have. I would request everyone who know me to take some time out and remember the fond memories we had and how our relationship grew with time. The next one would be not to hurry to put my body away.
I would love to give my eyes away to someone who could see through mine , which I would be registering in no time, so wait for that. Also, please do not print condolence message on a newspaper as its a waste, rather use that money for doing some good. Also, my karma will decide where I will reach, heaven or hell, and this will already be accumulated how I have led my life. So please do not give any offerings specially gold and expensive things on my name. If you want to give something, you could do that yourself. Do not forget me too soon, I might be out of sight, but I will always be in your hearts with fond memories.
Lastly, I try living everyday as my last, and still hoping for tomorrow and I think each individual should do the same. Express, say what you feel like, do what you love. There’s no point stressing over stuff because in the bigger picture our life is way way too short than we can think of.

Dear Popsy,

I will always remember how you thought birthdays was just a day, and how we had to
remind you that it was your birthday. I remember as little kids we gave you a birthday card which was dated “till eternity” and you smiled saying that you girls don’t have to get me a card every year now. I remember how you would have reservations to our requests for travel at first, but ultimately agree to it especially when the little one would ask. I remember how you would go out to the nursery on Saturdays, get something or the other changed in the garden and take care of the minutest things in the house. I remember how you would ask us to take care the next time when we made an error, how you would tell us that any work could be done at ease. I remember how you would come pick me up from work when I would not realize that I did not have any conveyance to get back but you remembered. I cannot forget how you wrote the same letter in different years of my college, but with a new date. I still recall how you found my mails and messages extra expressive and how you would get our requests on anything and everything fulfilled in no time. I still want to see you when I enter the house, and share with you the latest stories. I want to tell you on what combinations to wear and help you with your phone. I want to play a game of Ludo again with you. I want to make your favorite snack (Onion Pakodas) and ask for permissions to being late again. I want you to decide if mom’s consent is going to be enough for my weekend plan.

Even if I want to do so many things and tell you so much, you are not around, but here we
are trying to follow your values and the learning’s that you left us with. You led the fifty five years of your life with so much dedication, discipline, contentment and simplicity.

I have never met a person so content who would think no place was better than home (The resort being right here), someone who did not fancy expensive accessories believing that the time can be seen from any watch. An individual who was the favorite of everyone from the family (Watching south Indian movies with the naughtiest one and his frequent visits to the airport) to anyone who knew him, it has been an honor of knowing someone so wonderful and gentle at heart.

We are blessed to be your daughter. “Happy Birthday Papa”.

P.S:- I feel the act of giving in me, has been inspired by you, and you always gave the love and support, today we gave out 56 shawls on the streets around K-town.

The number of questions that I have been asking about life is being answered. Some are very complicated to understand while some are pretty simple. After getting some answers, the fact that I have accepted is that we will never be able to see the person who has left us behind but they will always be around us guiding in each step of our lives. It’s the reading of The Bhagwat Geeta that many queries have been solved. The most amusing bit is the understanding of these readings lasts for a few hours and then the mind goes back to square one. There are many more thoughts that keep coming one after the other which has no end.

I know that the vicious circle of life and death will exist forever and there is no denying on it. The words “Life is unpredictable” is true and it has given us a reality check on anything happening anytime in our lives. Even after realizing this every moment, there is nothing much that can be done, other than to follow our dreams, pursue what we have been thinking of, and not keeping any work for tomorrow.

To think on all of this in a broader sense, a friend of mine had a question which was: – everything that we aim to be or do cannot happen instantly, and what if we are no longer alive in the process. I could relate to this instantly and while giving it a thought I think the answer to this would be that we should not procrastinate our dreams because none of us know when our last breath is scheduled for other than the almighty.

While writing this, I think about the sudden incident that happened before three weeks, which has left all of us in shock. The fact that we are attached with so many people in our lives and the fear of losing any one of them is terrifying. The scariest bit is us not knowing when it will happen and how. I feel there is no preparation for these, but at the same time, there has to be some level of awareness that each one of us has which we tend to ignore.

The understanding of The Bhagwad Geeta where it is said that the relation with the superpower is what each one should have seems to be straight forward. After knowing all of this and understanding the end is going to be the same for each one of us, the question that rises is why do we have the whole world connected with each other, societies formed and relations getting stronger? Is it going to be this hard each time when someone leaves us or we leave this world? What is the end result of the attachment of ours with our closed ones and why is the universe created when everyone has to bid goodbye forever?

It’s been more than two weeks, that I haven’t heard, seen or met Papa. I feel he is gone for a long vacation and I want to believe the same for the rest of my life. I am not in denial but I am not ready to make his talks and the way he was a memory. I am not ready to recall that his last day was 14.01.2017 despite the fact that I recently saw his signatures on some documents dated after mid January. He surely did not know and had no idea that he would not be coming back home after that Saturday morning.

There are many who say, time is the healer, but I think there is no moving on, neither is there any healing in this situation because everything, everything I do, or wherever I be, reminds me of him. While I have been visiting banks and embassies for further procedures, it reminds me of visiting these places with him and he guiding us for whatever needed to be done. I know he will be mentoring us throughout and will be around each time but at the same time I want to share the smallest detail that has happened during the day.

This upturn in my life has made me accept and realize lot of things once again. The first one being importance of joint families and blessed are people who have one. I have always known that one person cannot run around for everything, and it’s highly impossible to be doing it but lately it has made me accept how significant it is to be at the same town. The next one being we are not our life’s decision maker in a broader sense, as we would not know what is happening in the next few seconds of our life. Lastly, we need to keep reiterating that we as individuals come in this world empty handed and leave with nothing, not even our own body (which means birth and death are two different equations) so why do we battle to be on top, fight for money among our closest, and crib for smallest things that do not happen in life.

With all of this, as I am trying to adapt papa’s perfectness in whatever I have been doing, I am amazed to get to know how organized he was, and the secret quality of my multi tasking came from him.