After what still feels like a dream, getting to know that we will never meet and see our MB dai, make us question life in different ways.We know there are no answers for this, and there is nothing that can make the situation better, that we can justify this vicious cycle of birth and death, all of this is just unfair, it doesn’t add up. The uncertainty of anything happening in our lives, the fear of losing someone close again, the reasoning, the attachments, wanting to believe ,the dream phase, all of this makes us realize again that nothing is for tomorrow. Its all now, and it’s all at the present.
There is always a doubt to accept how in that one moment our heart stops, how in that one day all our talks are over and we see each other for the last time. How we live only with memories and how there are no proper goodbyes at all. We all know and accept the truth that none of us are immortals, but at the same time, when we lose someone closer to us, we are crushed from inside. We do not understand and cannot comprehend what is happening.
While these thoughts keep moving, I cannot thank that one man who took so much care of our family than himself. From morning till the evening, since 30 years, he made sure everyone ate their meal on time, and knew our favorites. He would prepare different food items according to our schedule, nine people being minimum in the house if not more. He knew everyone, our third cousins, our friends, each one of them and his memory was sharp. Without any complaints, he would happily serve and try doing other household chores. He had his small issues with the phone that he would come and get it fixed by us. He would hardly stay back at his village when he visited and would come back home to help us in the kitchen as soon as his work was over. He had such a big heart that his family treated us with a whole filled meal when we had gone to give them blankets at the village after the earthquake in 2015.
He was so familiar to the culture at home that he knew everything in and out. The way our festivals were celebrated, rituals followed, and everyday norms, he knew it all. I still wonder how did he do all of this with such purity. He would scold, tell us to take care of ourselves, asks us not to take stress and tell us how we needed to be strong during tough situations. He taught us lot of things, loyalty and patience, being one that tops the list. He had his own reservations and way of doing things. He was a leader, a giver , a companion, a brother, he was the first person we would call out first thing in the morning, in our own timings and the first one when we entered home. He was selfless. His home was us, and he was family. He is Manbadur Dai, our dai who passed away in a jiffy on a Friday morning and left us with his love and care.
It will be weird to be entering home without meeting him, weirder to not seeing him in the kitchen , weirdest to not be saying Ram Ram, Manbadur Dai 🙁