In the ghats of Pashupatinath

I have walked around the banks of Bagmati couple of times. These have usually been for the early morning events for KTM Drive. Each time I pass through Aaryaghat I have this weird feeling from inside and those result to lot of thoughts specially debating about death in my mind. The sight itself is very painful when families bid their farewell to their dearest. It has gotten me standing opposite the banks for a while questioning God about how unfair it is for the nearest ones who are left behind.

Little did I know I would be at the same spot after some years complying whatever was told to me by people around. I was merely a pawn then and it was my decision. I wanted to carry the last rites of my father. I did not know if it was only allowed for sons to be doing it; neither did I know what is supposed to be done. I only knew that I wanted to be with my dad till his last physical moment.

I still remember each detail on what happened a week back. I remember how I sat next to him in the house, spoke to him and wished he would get up, smile and tell me it was all a dream, wrote a post it for him wanting him to come back from wherever he was since it was long that he spoke to me. I remember how we took him to Pashupati from the house where hundreds of people were standing. I remember how I never wanted to reach there. I wanted to talk to him for a little more, I wanted him to look at me one last time and say everything will be alright; I wanted the time to rewind. It taught me the difference between “WANTING TO DO” and “ACTUAL DOING”.

As we reached Pashupatinath, we took him to the banks of Aryaghat, and we washed his feet. I did not want to let him go; I wasn’t ready for what was next neither was he. The last rites was about to begin, and there I was standing amongst so many people with my brother trying to understand the reality of life and wondering if there was someone like me who has been looking from across the banks and has the same questions that I once had.

I did not want my dad to burn away in flames, I did not want to lose his physical presence, and neither did I want him to go the place that we all come from. For that one moment, my heart just sank and I wanted the entire universe to conspire to get him back. The two hours as I sat there, I watched him leave us forever.

All the talks with him started to feel like memories, his daughter was bidding goodbye to her KING and saluting him for leading such a wonderful life with pure values and principles.

The next day made me realize a lot of things the first one definitely being we will all be there without any notice, at the same place. That is the reality of the HUMAN LIFE.

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