Letter to our angel, our guardian, our popsy:)

We know we make you proud each day,
Even if we cannot hear you say,
We know you are guiding us in each stage,
You taught us to lead a content life, not to follow the maze.

Your teachings were simple as you were,
Your virtues so strong, we try to follow the bar,
You were an example to many, and loved by all,
Your nature connected elders to the kids in the block.

Perfection in accounts and recycling the items which were old,
You spent time being creative in the garden during the cold,
You could hardly say no and make our wishes come close,
It is an honour to be the daughter of a man whose heart is of gold.

As we remember you each day and smile at the good memories,
A part of me still wants to drive you around, handle the car keys,
As we know you left all of us with happy health and life,
A part of me still questions that ending which would have never felt right.

Let’s write!

The other day we were having a discussion on how writing is a mental exercise, and it should be carried out more frequently, in each stage of our lives. As kids, we spend time learning and writing the alphabets of different languages, which in turn helps us write the first word which is usually our name. Then is the phase when we practice our handwriting in the handwriting textbooks, writing the same alphabet again and again. This eventually reaches the level of writing a sentence on our own.

As we grow old, we are taught to write essays on various topics for our curriculum and our holiday homework consists of one page of writing to better our skills. Even if we tried finding the shortest of sentences, this work was not the best of all. It would be so much better if we were asked to write and express our thoughts and pen down what we felt like. Be it book review or writing a summary or preparing for an essay competition, we were always writing on the topic given to us, adding a creative element to it. We were never encouraged to write in general other than the subjects discussed in school, this was not stressed upon. After school, the college was all about exchanging views, presentations rather than writing, so the most part of forming words were reminders, text messages, notes and emails.

Each one of us has a different flair of writing and it is pretty interesting to read thirty different approaches to the same subject and there can be so much that can be written about. Writing can be a stress buster and it can control different emotions that we have as a human in an everyday life. I would sincerely urge everyone reading this to make it a habit to write as we try to read some pages of a book in a day. It could be a paragraph or a one-pager that can be the target to write. It could be about our everyday routine or paying gratitude to the things surrounding us, or some thought that we are constantly struggling with. Writing is an exercise, which is a win-win situation for each one of us, the more we write, the better we get at it. We also get answers to a lot of questions that we are struggling to find as we get our thoughts together while writing. It is a beautiful and strong feeling that can only be experienced after trying. I had been missing out on it since a while but here I am to the art of discovering, with the art of writing. So, let’s write!


Happening now:)

“Listening to the different sounds of birds chirping,
Looking at the various shades of green changing,
Breathing the fresh morning air while writing, 
The swishing of the dry leaves and the rustling.

Getting up to watch the sunrise on a normal day, 
Watching the moon to greet goodbye to an awesome phase,
Have we forgotten to value these beautiful things as we live in a maze,
Or is it that we ignore the experiences in an everyday craze.

Paying attention from being awake in the presence, 
Can be the most beautiful feeling and a sign of happiness,
Practising gratitude that we are blessed with all of this and much more,
Will give meaning to our lives, feel content, it is the only core”

This is grief.

All of us have been through hard times, while we have lost our loved ones. We have experienced days which we never imagined and we hope it never repeats.  We understand the constant thing in life is change, and this is a temporary world that we live in, yet it is impossible to bid goodbye to our favorites forever who have been our permanent. Each one of us has struggled to manage the different situation, which was out of our control and many of us have been strong for people around us, our families, but at the same time, we have been weak in the inside. How do we cope up with these circumstances, if not today but in some years? How do we handle ourselves?

There is no right or wrong answer to it. It is a walk alone. There will be many who would be there to listen, but you will walk alone down your own path, your emotions. You will be there with your denial, your sheared off pain, your questions on “Why is it happening to me?” and “Why this beautiful person from my life?”. “What did they do wrong, this was not the right time”, all these questions will flood your mind and you will start finding answers when there are none. You will suddenly feel more responsible and mature, and you will come to peace, on your own, in your own time.

This is the period when you will be vulnerable to understand the vicious cycle of life and reason each thought. You will connect the dots and remember everything and each moment spent with that person. The loss of that individual will never be healed and there will always be a void in your heart.

There are some things that helped me during this unexpected situation when I lost my dad two and a half years ago. These are out of my experiences that I want to share. A part of my healing was writing, expressing how I felt, how it all happened suddenly and how I missed him so much. The next was embracing that he left us with so many learnings and wisdom and celebrating the person that he was by reflecting on his persona throughout. I am content that he did not suffer during his last few moments and I understand that today when I see many people suffering from different diseases.

It is never going to be easy, and we need to let it out, as much as we can, and believe that it is a plan that has already been designed and we are only following the steps. If we cannot realize that it is made for us too, then we are still living in the illusion, which will strike us again and it will be super duper difficult, instead of being super difficult. This awareness might make us do things differently, behave in an alternate way, and all in all, make us a better human being.

The Bay Drive


When I moved from Nepal to San Francisco, almost a year back, I knew that it would be a beautiful journey with lots of opportunities and exploration. It was a new start, a new place and a new life that I was to begin. I missed my folks, my friends, my work, and most importantly the foundation that I started, the KTM DRIVE. I wasn’t sure how much of it would be possible from here, who would take care of it, how would the events be held, who would plan, manage the accounts. I was afraid if the kids whom I saw every month would slowly forget me because of the distance. I still wanted to have that connection with them the next time I was to meet. Most importantly I wanted to continue helping, spreading smiles, motivating others to be a part of giving and most importantly understand that there is no a particular time and age to help. I wasn’t sure how would I be able to help here, at the place I was moving to.

All of these were my assumptions, today The KTM Drive is running strong, the events are held every month. The team is energized as always, we get sponsors for our event, in fact the reach has increased, the kids are in touch through emails, letters, and video call at times. And as for me, we just had our second event yesterday wherein we gave the hygiene kits to the homeless people at St. James Park, San Jose. The situation of homelessness, specially in the Bay area, is rampant. It is overwhelming to understand this topic. As much as I am getting deeper, into knowing more because of my work each day, I am being introduced to something new. Listening to the stories yesterday, I never thought that one incident in the life of an individual can make them homeless. These incidents can and does happen every day. This is so different to the place where one is born poor and this is what I have seen for years. Either way, there is a lot of help required, be it time, be it resources.There is so much to give and so much we can individually do.

If each one of us evolve from our comfort zone or come out from our “Own world” and try to make that difference in the smallest of ways, the community that we live will be a much better place for everyone. Sometimes it is not about quantifying the impact of what we do, but just being that light in someone experiencing a dark day.

I am glad I met some like-minded people and we have started the Bay Drive here.  We conducted two events in the past ten months. Everything just worked out fine, and I am happy I can plan these events here. Excited to be doing more and creating that platform where people can come, participate, ideate, inspire, motivate and give back to the place that they live in:)


790 Days without you


As I sit down to write after long, the first thing that I want to express is how your presence is felt so strong. Not just me, but everyone around who thinks about you every single day. We all feel your presence guiding us in each step, really strong. Even if your physical presence is missing,  you are taking care of us and giving us that strength. The power of living each day and living every moment even when there is a void that can never be fulfilled. The capacity of understanding that there can be no tomorrow, and at the same time hoping for one. The belief that everything is temporary in this forever world.

The realization that we can lose the most important people in our life, and most importantly we could be the ones bidding goodbye. The latter part is denied by the majority of us. It is the same feeling that I always had when I visited the Pashupatinath temple. As a kid until 14th January 2017, I always saw many people at the Ghat, and never thought that I would be standing there. That is exactly what happened when I could do nothing but just be there for my Popsy. I just wanted to be there till the last, with him, trying to tell him that we were together in this and we still are. It is a strange feeling that hurts but I still want to remember because it was the last time that we saw you. We can never be prepared, but we can accept that the number of breath that we have in our life is destined and nothing can change that. Nothing can change the way we leave this world- be it by suffering from a disease, trying to breathe or a silent death. It will still hurt and there will be no healing, neither time nor change. When I see people wanting to leave this world, because they are very sick, I pacify myself, that you were at your favorite place, when you left us and healthy.

This chapter is that learning of life that can only be understood when one experiences it. But, I did not want to understand and learn all of this on the cost of losing you. I still want to try calling in the number which has been given to someone else, I still want to send those random messages calling you for the pasta treat, even if it wasn’t your favorite, I still want to play badminton in the garden. I still want to ask for permissions to travel and do the research for the ticket prices for the nth time. I know I will always be your big girl, but I still want to get pampered from you. I miss you.


Where, how and what?

I wonder a lot of times,

Where will you be at this moment in time?

I wonder how and what exactly happened that morning,

Not realizing that there is no answer to the questioning.

 

In all this wonder world, people tell me to move on,

To this I want to say, that I don’t want to, he was the only one,

This phase comes often, where I remember what made me break,

Still want the memories from starting till the end, even if it makes me delicate.

 

In all this wonder world, people say you are with us,

In each step, in our journey, in our everyday task,

To this I want to say, we are there for/with you,

As you are by yourself and us together in a crew.

 

It is just not me but everyone in the family,

That misses your cord in one or the other degree,

It is just not us in the family, but everyone who knew you,

Feel blessed to be the daughter, of a gem of a person like you.

 

Travel Diary 5:- New York and Lake George

Every vacation is peculiar, each story is exclusive, each journey has its own charm. There are interesting incidents that happen during one’s journey and there is a different type of fun in each vacation. Some solo trips mark a memory, and some family vacations are perfect to spend time together.

While we left from San Francisco for a family vacation to Lake George our flight was going through a bad turbulence that could hardly get us some sleep, rather it made us think about hundred different things up in the air, even if the view was pretty. We reached White plains and were set for the long weekend getaway.  After packing all the necessary supplies, we left for Lake George, and made a quick stop at the Woodbury Premium Outlet (which wasn’t that quick), to make the most of the deals that start during long holidays. We were amused to see the longest line in front of the Nike store and the craziness for shopping. I guess it is smart shopping as you get the required at half the price but the place was packed. After our shopping spree, we reached Lake George. We checked in Dunham’s Bay resort, we treated ourselves with some hot Maggie and bread. We called it a day after playing some card games.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      As soon as we got up, we were excited to do all the activities that we had planned and also the different things that the resort had to offer. The resort that we were staying at had a board game room, a barbeque grill set up for each cabin, the place for firewood, heated pool and jacuzzi, bocce ball and shuffleboard. We had to learn the two outdoor games as they were very new to us.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a good homemade breakfast, we left for Lake George beach. There were a lot of people already on the beach.  The view was splendid, on one side we saw the steamboat and on the other end was the vast waters. There were little kids swimming, and to our surprise, the water was not that cold. We took some rounds and played with our bubble wands. It was the first experience for the little one who was with us and we did all we could to keep her amused. There were little kids making various kinds of the sand castle on the beach. It was interesting to see how some kids loved being in the water, while some had a bit of fear.

 

After this we went to the Prospect mountain, the drive was of 5.5 miles around the gorgeous views of Lake George surrounded by the Adirondack Mountains. The winding road led us to The Narrows, Lake George, and the Eagle’s eye. These are three different spots that we stopped at to get some pictures ( I would suggest stopping on the second one) because all the others points were similar.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While we reached the parking area, there were two options to reach the top, one was a short climb and the other was a bus which ran frequently from the parking. The views of Vermont’s Green Mountains, New Hampshire’s White Mountains, New York’s Adirondack High Peaks could be seen and it was a perfect place for a picnic. The remains of the worlds largest railroad could be found here. We had a great time and spent the evening walking on the roads of Lake George.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The hustle and bustle were super and it seemed like this destination was a favorite for many. The weather was perfect, there was so much to do, in and around. We ended our day with some barbeque which was an adventure in itself yet we had a great time preparing the burgers,  corns were the best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next day we explored the 32-mile long lake on a boat taking turns to ride it. We spent three hours looking at what nature had to offer and made amazing memories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We then got back home and ended our trip with the best way that one can explore the city:- the walking tour. These tours never disappoint and are fantastic to see the place in an exquisite way, to know the tales about the formation of the city, and different other interesting bits and history. The skyline of New York, the commotion at the subway, the murals, Soho’s impressive art galleries, Chinatown, the financial district, the vibe at Times Square, New York has an energy like no other.

What type of traveler are you?

All of us love traveling. We enjoy visiting new places and exploring different countries. As much as there is constant planning before travel, which could be holidays from work, finances to be sorted, people to go with, the whole itinerary, documentation that is required for a visit to the new country, there is an arrangement that needs to be done while we are on the road too. The planning is always on. Also, after the awesome trip, there is another form of planning that happens when we are back from the vacation, for the next set of holidays that we aspire of, especially during the times of vacation hangover.

All of this, mentioned above, also depends on the type of traveler that we are. Some people want to roam around in a budget so they accommodate more trips per year, while some want to enjoy that particular place with more luxury. With so much of information available online, people these days have started to book their tickets and accommodation by themselves. There are many, who do a lot of research beforehand, they are the early risers, stay out late, make the most out of everything a new place has to offer and do not want to miss anything. They think that this is the only time they will be visiting that town/city because the world is huge and there are so many places to see.

Then we have an entirely different type which is called the backpackers, who travel without any rules. This set indulges themselves in every opportunity they get and are in for any type of circumstance. This group is very flexible with time and the places they visit. They only book their one-way ticket and believe that everything will fall in place. There are another set of travelers, who travel to take their mind off from the regular norm, be it the same destination, again and again, it doesn’t matter to them. This is mostly for people who are overworked and are traveling around their work holiday schedules. They have to travel.

Then we have these categories. Some do make the most of their journey on a business trip, while for some it is not the main goal as they are too consumed with their work. We all know of people around us who are the daredevils, they always find new exotic things to do, which are never heard of. Many do make the most of their long holidays, squeezing in a day and making it a trip of their lifetime. Some prefer to travel solo while some can only get out of their comfort zone when they are in a group.

As much as traveling has picked up in our generation, where we have many trips in a year, there were times when the family would go for a holiday once a year, or sometimes once in two years. In all of this, what we need to ask ourselves, is it travel that we love or is it the societal obligation that is making us travel. There was a time when some travelers wouldn’t mind going to the same place again, while its all about the new destinations now.

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While they said, and I thought

And they say everyone has to leave one day,

Around us, there will be no one who will stay,

They say, it is a vicious circle of life, that will remain,

We need to be practical and accept the playing game.

 

19 months that you left us today,

Can’t say how we feel every single day,

The feeling is the same as that second week of Jan,

While they said time will heal, why should it, their only plan.

 

The emotions at times, I say it is alright to be in distress,

Because it is only the memory that we have, not the presence.

I say it wouldn’t be easy and shouldn’t be too,

It is someone that we have loved, the one out of the few.

 

One day is your turn and the next day could be my cord,

We accept it all except the last part, the last word,

Why are we not pragmatic during this situation?

There is no answer to this, no justification.

 

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