When you lose someone, who is a part of who you are, they say time will heal, but I guess no amount of time can erase the healing. This is something I have been experiencing each day. With every day, him not being amongst us is sinking in and the fact that we will never see him again keeps coming time and again. This does not mean that we are in denial of what happened suddenly on 14th January 2017, my dad whom I was talking to and chilling with the previous night, went apart from our lives forever. As we say forever is a strong word, facing it is more tough.
It was too soon for the almighty to call him back to where we all belong. The understanding of how the universe and a life of a mankind works is really difficult to comprehend. Even if one does try, and accepts the reality, keeping that awareness and being positive of everything happening for a good reason does not seem true in this case. This is not for the selfishness of the relation that each one of us had or seeing that void in each one of our lives now, but the unconditional love that we had for each other.
There are many instances in the day where I remember what he would say for a particular situation, or his reactions. There are many a times when I want to share the smallest detail of the day and sit around teaching him something on the gadget, or call him up, or let him know that I have boarded the plane for my next destination. I want to leave messages to him when I land safely in a new country which was the first thing I would do and I still do, but the only difference is I miss the reply “OK”. I know I am never getting any but I feel calmed when I send him one. My mom says, “Life feels like a dream and the next chapter is the one where we are today, when we get up and experience what has happened but can never get those moments back”. I feel the same, and reminds me of the movie Inception.
While I saw my dad this morning in my dreams for the first time, I did not want to let him go because it was so real. I was so excited seeing him like a kid is when they see their favorite candy in the store. We had a conversation for a minute and when I woke up, I wanted to go off to sleep again because I wanted more of him, I wanted more of my Popsy!