Recently, I have been thinking a lot about this topic and here I am writing about it. The day of 14^th January 2017 has left all of us with questions which remain unanswered. Losing Popsy all of a sudden on a Saturday morning still gives me goosebumps when I think about that particular day. I do not want to believe that he is no more because that is what keeps me going. The day I start accepting and trusting that I will never see him again during this life time, my heart is going to break into pieces. The pieces which will crush every bit of me.

I still wonder to this day on how the heart can possibly just stop. How can things happen so quickly, and fast, and without any warnings? How is a person not given a chance to say his last few words to his favorite people? How can life of a person, including each one of us be so uncertain? We all have read this in books, and we discuss the phase “Life is uncertain” a lot of times. Do we actually believe in any of it religiously? Are we ready to let one of our closest people go away?

All of this doesn’t mean that we need to be ready to face death every moment and every second. This only means that we should understand that this can happen to any one of us and when it does there will be no acceptance of it for the longest time. If we have the belief that it is now or never, the fear of lot of things to be done in life gets removed and procrastination is no longer there.  We need to be aware of the fact that life is not in our hands. We need to stop taking our body for granted because it is not ours. We are mere puppets of the almighty and the last breath that we have in this world is again not in our control. Any person who is born in this world has to part, sooner or later.

Many do not understand the meaning of the vicious circle of life and death, the way Karma revolves. There are kids who are born without one parent, there are children who lose their parent in an early age, and there are parents who have seen their kids passing away in front of them. How would they know what is happening and who would teach them that this is the certain truth of life and we are all here to follow our duties?   This is when the school should introduce the subject of spirituality/ discourses, the one course which is so important to be getting to know the true meaning of life.

P.S:- I miss you every morning.

In a journey called life, we go through various situations, times and circumstances. We hardly embrace the glorious mess that we are. We barely think about the strength that we have had during the most difficult times in our lives. We need to remember that life’s great lessons are usually learnt at the worst times and with the worst mistakes. We are so busy in our everyday schedule that we do not have the time to recap the way we have spent the number of years of our life. When we start summing up the timeline, we are able to connect the dots and everything that has happened in our life has been for a reason.

If we start analyzing, there would be times when we would want things to be different or it could be that we are very happy on the milestone that we are on. People who fall on the latter category are a few while the ones on the first are many. If not entirely, there could be one or the other area which we think could be done in a better way, with the right decisions in the past. The beauty of being in the former thought is that there has been lot of learning in the process which has resulted in knowing what we are exactly looking for. Understanding and finding out one’s dream is the most difficult bit.

This might sound unbalanced as dreams keep changing as we grow older, and that is just fine, we need not stop dreaming in any phase of our life. Many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. Having a dream is important, and making that dream a reality is significant, but not as major as figuring it out.

We need to believe that we are our own master, we have the key to our happiness. It is never too late and each one of us have a choice that we can make. There is never a one-way street that we need to get into and can never get out. There is always a U-turn and we are never trapped in any state. Life is too short not to escape from the path once chosen. This rule is one the most important part in our lives which keeps us moving.

We should stop procrastinating, especially our dreams. The day we learn the importance of discovering our quest, half of our mission is accomplished, the other half will just happen. We are never too old to dream a new dream!

With the never-ending road construction around K -town, the traffic has increased drastically in different parts of the city. There is so much difference on the flow of the vehicles on roads before three years and now. The time that requires from one destination to another has almost doubled. There are a lot of people who complain about the congestion on the streets each day and spend a lot of time on their travel from home to their workplace. The problem is not just the traffic but the dust and pollution that has increased respiratory problems of many individuals.

If you didn’t know, the total length of vehicles operating in the Kathmandu Valley is greater than the length of roads. The length of the roads is 4.8 million feet whereas length of vehicles is 7.2 million feet. The number of vehicles has increased to 9 Lakhs. As per the statistics, the traffic police take action against 1800 people every day, while around 6 Lakh are punished annually.

The traffic police have been doing a great job, on the streets, at the main junctions of the town. They are doing their duties during different weather conditions. Be it heavy rain, scorching heat, dusty roads, they are always ready at their service. They have been controlling the traffic, vehicle movement at the best. But out of all of that respect that we have, there are many a times the traffic police charge us without any proper reasoning. There is a certain fine for each offence and classes that they conduct is very fruitful. The strictness in these laws have made many accountable drivers and riders.

In spite of these, there are times when the rules are different for the parking spot on the same day, the situation when all the vehicles do not get caught at a certain right turn is not correct. Have you been in any one of these situations? Undoubtedly, being behind the wheels of a vehicle is a lot of responsibility, for every other person that is on the street and especially for oneself.

What I have realized is there is always so much to learn from a situation, a person, and even during the hardest of times, one apprehends how strong can one be. Among the incident and date which can never be forgotten in our lives is of mid-January. There are so many things that we have learnt from that one individual who has always helped people around him, gotten smiles in many faces, and has created an impact in numerous lives. There are many who feel blessed to be knowing a person like him. People from different walks of life remember him dotingly, as different age groups of people get inspired by his discipline towards life.

I am not done describing about that one person, my dad, who took care of me since I came to this planet, and took care of many others in his everyday life. He was a perfectionist, and his work would start and finish with detail and calculations. His principles were very strong yet he was open to suggestions.The calm and patient nature of his had left many mesmerized. The simplicity of his had taught many that life is all about the small things in life, happiness that could be acquired from enjoying a cup of tea, at the home garden on a beautiful day. I have seen a lot of people talk about it, but believing and practicing strongly has been really less. His love for nature made the garden space look different each quarter. He took care of the smallest maintenance in the house, fixing the tube light to getting the paints in the wall. He knew everything, he managed all of it, he was a superhero, my super dad.

His teachings on life were incredible, and the time that we had with him has become a treasure. While he is gone, he has left us so many things that we can still learn, that was the beauty of him. He has taught each one of us how we are stuck up in things which really does not matter in the end, he has made us realize how uncertain life can be, and one cannot race against time. He has made us question our purpose in life and why are each one of us struggling so hard for material things which is of no consequence in a larger form. He has taught us that a true warrior needs to conquer himself and he did that with his life beautifully.

He has given us many directions; it is for us to choose. What I feel is we could and would have learnt all of it, not on the cost of letting him go and not meeting him again.

P.S I miss playing badminton with you!

 

It’s almost a quarter of a year that you haven’t been around, precisely hundred and twenty days that we haven’t seen you. There is not even one moment that I feel that you are not here. There is not even one such time in a day that I don’t remember you. I can feel your presence everywhere I go. I can imagine your reaction to my certain statement and how I miss your spontaneity of anything and everything I wanted, or anyone wanting. How I miss your smallest questions about the simplest of things related to the phone and computer. How I miss sitting by your side and talking about random topics. How I miss you giving me the keys when we would go out driving. How I miss asking for explanations each time, and complaining about the little one in a fun way. How I miss you during each meal, and how I miss preparing the Sunday evening snack. I miss all of it.

Mom says that the destiny is written and nothing on earth could have stopped on what happened. She says if one starts thinking too deep, then it would just shatter each and every one of us. She is the strongest woman that I know in this entire world and I cannot imagine to feel and understand how she reasons out her thoughts. I still have lot of questions on life and still wonder why him out of the many millions in the world. I still haven’t given a proper thought on what happened on the Ghats of Pashupatinath or realized that I am not going to meet Papa again. I have been keeping myself busy in my everyday routine, and there is so much happening. The day I start to believe that I will not see him ever, I know, that I will break down to pieces.  I am not in denial but at the same time I do not want to accept.

There are many people who keep asking me if everyone’s fine at home. There are many who visit us and say that time will heal and how shocked they were when they heard how dad’s heart stopped beating suddenly. There are some who say distracting oneself is the best way to deal in time like these. They are happy to see me get back to my normal routine. There are some who have been a support all this while. With all of this I feel blessed with people being around but at the same time there is never being perfectly fine, there is no healing, and there is no normal. Nothing can overcome the loss of losing Papa, who was the shadow to Grandad.

I might just not be too late on posting this as I think an expression of thankfulness to our moms is very less as compared to their unconditional love. I feel mothers are perfect in everything they do, from managing the household chores, balancing work life and personal, to scolding their kids for the slightest imperfections. They are the best multi-tasker in the whole world and there is so much to learn from them in each step of their life. Many adjectives are lesser for these beautiful soul. I wonder how do they have so much patience and can be strong in each situation?

The cycle of emotions between mothers and her child never fades away, and it stays the same throughout whereas its different for a child. Some have reservations while they are growing up while some have a relationship more like a friend.  There are some who realize the importance of their guardians in true sense when they become one themselves. As I write this, I am reminded of the celebration of mother’s day before some days. There was infinite amount of posts on Facebook and other social media wherein everyone shared their sentiments about their mothers. This works perfectly for people who shared their feelings to their moms in person too or else it just doesn’t make sense. Why are we celebrating something so special in a virtual world where the participation is one sided? Why are we not calling our moms up and telling them how amazing they are instead of penning down through a social media? Why do we take this bond for granted?

Many of us in this age have forgotten what our priorities are and how important it is for us to spend time around family. We don’t realize how time is just passing by so quick and there is such less time that we can spend together. This notion of mine became stronger as I still want to talk to my dad and even if I do, it is a one-way messaging street. I know these posts and messages of mine are reaching him but I wish I could get a reply back.

On this me and my mom had a conversation where we thought if we were not present today, what would the situation? For now, I cannot even imagine that, but what I have to say is, I haven’t seen a selfless, devoted, powerful, comforter, and an awesome chef like you~ A post will be too less to describe what you are to me, or moms are to their children!

Each moment there is some or the other thought that keeps going on in each one of our minds. There are so many opinions and ideas that we have during an entire day. In this busy schedule of ours, we are always in a rush and we hardly have time to concentrate on one thought at that point in time. To think about it, our mind is the best example of being a multi tasker. Multi-tasking is an important skill and at the same time it gives an emotional high.

It has always left me intrigued what people think when they are waiting in a queue for a bank transaction or while stuck in a traffic jam. There could be different scenarios one can imagine if they are super creative. There could be a time when one actually feels how slow is the cashier doing her/his job, or for that matter, the traffic police is not giving a signal for the vehicles to pass. If one’s wondering why traffic signal, there are no traffic lights in Kathmandu.

In all of this, what we lack is to train our brain. Staying focused can be tough with a constant going on in our lives. Most people focus best in the morning or late at night, and studies show that 90 percent of people do their best thinking outside the workspace. We need to notice where and when can we focus best, then we can allocate our toughest tasks for those moments. The human attention span is approximately 8 seconds, and others state that healthy individuals are unable to sustain attention for more than 20 minutes at a time.

As it is said patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. Some get cranky while some go with the flow. Each moment of wait gets one closer to talking to the person behind or in front of them when they are in a line waiting. This is a similar condition while one is at the immigration at the airport.  We usually observe people around us, overhear the conversation even if we don’t want to, and smile thinking about funny positions around it. There are moments when we have all the time but we realize we have missed out on a certain information when we are closest to our finish line. What I am trying to say here is, our mind is never at rest. From the start of the day, till we close our eyes in the night, it is crowded. It is teeming with something which might be of our concern or which might not be.

When would be the time that one gets a crazy idea or all the thoughts are on the highest level? The answer might vary for each. Some might get while taking a shower or for some it might occur while they are waiting on their appointment at a dentist. When that happens we should not forget to put them on paper because these are the ones which are most practical ones. At a salon too, while waiting there are some amusing situations that one might come across and small talks that people do which entertains everyone.

Waiting is a part and parcel of our everyday routine, it’s the best on how we can use that time for something more constructive and positive.

Every member of the family misses him dearly, in their own way. No one expresses it much but I can feel it in everyone’s daily life and schedule. Every morning when I get up, I feel he is gone out for a walk, when I go out for my workout, I presume he is doing his accounts in the study room, when I leave home for my work, I make myself believe that he has already left for his office. When I get back home in the evening, which I just don’t feel like, because my conscious knows that I am not going to see him, yet my sub- conscious expects him to be there asking me the reason on why I was late, yet again. With all the consolations that I give myself, I know for the fact that he wouldn’t be in the living room when I presume he is and the hide and seek that we have been playing will come to an end.

It’s been three months and it feels like years that I haven’t seen papa. It feels like eternity to mom. Each one of us have had our own connections and this can never be replaced. No one can take place of the person who is gone even if they try to. The amusing bit is how life keeps moving on, and there are the same things that are happening without the presence of an individual. I am not saying that people should stop living, but should learn the art of living. We have yet not fully realized that life can just come to an end and one’s breath can randomly stop when we experienced it in front of ourselves.

There are many people who make a visit and talk fondly about him. They say how they are inspired with his style of living and this was unfair on his life. I feel the same, and I question God on how did he make him leave half- way when he had promised mom that he would be there till the end of their journey.

What I also feel is, he has left behind a lesson for each one of us and it is on us to practice or not. We need to be ready for the most brutal truth in mankind which is an end that is waiting to happen, if not in some years, could be in few months. I am certain his requirement was at a bigger place and the time he was here made everyone learn what patience is, discipline means, perfectionist it is to be in anything and everything. He was the best human I have met in my entire life, his dad’s favorite, his younger daughters beloved, the connector of the entire family.  I miss you every single moment and I am so blessed and grateful to be yours. I want your vacation to be over because I have so much to tell you, and will do that when I see you again, my superhero.